Up until the past five years, I had been in one relationship or another since I was 15 years old. So, when my marriage ended 5 years ago, I was lost. I didn’t know who I was as an individual. I had become quite good at doing what everybody else wanted and keeping my opinions to myself.

If someone had told me that I was going to be alone for five years back then, my anxiety would have went through the roof. I would have been scared to death. I would’ve started questioning what I had done and what was wrong with me. Because five years ago I put too much value in other’s opinions of me and almost zero in my opinion of myself. I would have naturally assumed it was some sort of failure on my part.

Now that five years have passed, I am extremely grateful for the lessons that I have learned. I decided it was important to share some of those lessons because I know I am not alone in having felt like a relationship is a prerequisite to true happiness.

The first, and probably most valuable lesson I learned in the last five years, was how to forgive myself. When I first realized how dependent I had become on being in a relationship I was very disappointed and angry at myself. The only way to learn and move on was to be honest with myself about it and practice some self compassion.

Being alone also helped me discover the things that I am passionate about. Up to that point, all of my hobbies were shared hobbies with my partners. It felt so good to throw myself into something that excites me, a feeling I hadn’t experienced before.

I have learned the value of true friendship. Over the past five years I have had to lean on my friends from time to time. A true friend will be there when you need them, inspire you to be more and challenge you when they think you are wrong. I allowed myself to let go of my toxic relationships and make space for the loving ones.

Realizing it’s OK to ask for help sometimes, is another important lesson I learned. That one was, and still is, tough for me. On some level I guess I thought that meant I was weak. I would stress myself out trying to do everything on my own. That was bad for my health and was a bad example to set for my children.

Lastly, I have learned that, I alone, have the ability to make my life amazing. My life has gone from being predictable and full of anxiety to adventurous and loving. I feel like, once you learn to have an incredible life alone, it’s very easy to let go of the expectation that you need to find a partner to be happy.