I have spent most of my life feeling like an impostor. I felt like it was only a matter of time before someone caught me and said, “Hey, she’s just pretending to be a good at her job!” or “…a good mom!” The negative voice in my head would say, if they knew the real you they wouldn’t say that. I heard every compliment through my internal negative filter.
This past month I have been more overwhelmed than normal. Even with trying to focus on being positive, I would catch myself talking down to myself for not doing more…. being more. The good news is, because I’m more self aware now, I recognized I was doing this and could address it.
About a year ago I did an exercise that helped me with this. A few day ago I decided it was time to revisit it.
I took the time to think about how the people in my life view me. Seeing myself through their eyes, without my own internal negative filter. How do my parents see me, my children, my boss, my close friends, etc? The words I hear from them are strong, caring, passionate, outspoken and positive. At the moment I would hear these compliments I would smile and say thank you, but in my head would dismiss them.
The next step is the hard part. Accepting that those things are true. I am not an impostor. I am a hard worker. I am a good mom. I am a good friend. I am a strong woman. Am I perfect? Not even close. But that doesn’t mean I am not these things.
I’ve come to realize I need to practice this more often. I need to take a more pro-active approach as opposed to waiting until I’m sliding down this slippery slope. I’m continuing to learn every day how to better love and support myself.