Recently I wrote a post about what I have learned in my last five years of being single. After that post, I got a lot of great feedback. One topic that came up a couple of times was whether or not you have to choose between being in a relationship and having your independence.

I think this is a question that comes up a lot for those of us that have been single for a while. We have healed all of the wounds from our broken hearts. We learn to enjoy our time alone. We learn to do the things that we love. A relationship would definitely change things and that can be a little scary.

Part of the problem is that we are basing our idea of what a relationship looks like on our past failed relationships. Personally, even though I understand this logically, it can be difficult to recognize when I am doing this. Why? I think it’s because I don’t have experience with being in a loving and supportive relationship.

A good partner will encourage you to do the things you love. They will support you and want you to be happy. If you start a relationship and realize that balance isn’t there, you now know you’re strong enough to stand on your own.

I think you can have both a loving relationship and your independence. It is just a matter of being patient, open and brave. Keep loving your life and doing the things you enjoy. The right person will love your strength and independence.