I have always said that I don’t regret any decisions I have made. Even the bad ones. That’s what made me who I am today. That has always been my belief. I never really thought about it as a “journey” until the last few years. How each decision (good or bad) impacted and changed me. The affect it had on how I made the next decision.
Looking back and understanding the value that came from the unfortunate events in my life I am able to start to truly trust my journey. I know that sounds strange. How do you find value in losing your father at a young age? Well, I was forced to grow up pretty quickly. That was hard, but as it turns out that toughness was a tool I was going to need in life. Also, I now have my step dad that has been a rock and voice of reason which is also something I have needed.
Some of the biggest changes came from the end of my marriage. I was forced to move into a small apartment. It’s easy to see the value in that one now. Living more simply has reduced so much stress in my life. I also went into debt. While this is never fun, I have learned we can get by on a lot less.
The best thing to come out of my divorce was this journey to become more mindful. Self-awareness, self-care and self-compassion is what I need. Prior to making the decision to be more mindful I was close to having a nervous breakdown. The stresses of being a divorced, professional working mom were getting to me. Sprinkle in a narcissistic ex-husband, a disabled son and a toddler… I was a mess. This HAD to happen. It’s the next evolution of me.
When I look back 5, 10, 20 years ago I can see so many changes. I have evolved so many times. Each time becoming a better version of myself. When I look at that, how can I not trust my journey? It has not steered me wrong in 40 years. While in my heart I trust the journey, I still have days where I freak out because I’m overwhelmed or scared. That’s ok. Once I calm down I remind myself that it is going to be ok no matter what happens. Mindfulness is a practice.
Trusting my journey doesn’t change how easy or hard my life will be. It just changes how I feel about the challenges in my life. And as you know, perception is reality.