Becoming Sara

When I screw up at work or with my kids, I am always quick to accept responsibility for my mistake. While that’s great, it’s not the same or as difficult as, accepting responsibility for things that are not my fault. That is something I’ve been focusing on the last several months. I’m trying to let go of the victim mentality. By that I mean, stop blaming others or situations for shortcomings I see in myself and allowing that to affect my reactions  and/or behaviors.

While the physical and emotional abuse I received in the past wasn’t my fault, I was responsible for my own actions. There was a lesson to be learned and I chose the comfortable feeling of my codependent relationship as opposed to facing my fears and leaving. I have to accept my responsibility and forgive myself for that.

I’m finding its much easier to accept responsibility for the past than it is to accept the present though. Because accepting responsibility for the present means I need to take action. It means sometimes you have to suck it up, make a change, and (at times) face some pretty big fears.

A few current examples: I am really struggling with this as the divorced mom of two small children, with one child being disabled. It isn’t my fault my ex-husband cheated. It isn’t my fault my son was born with multiple disabilities. But this is my situation. So, I am responsible for how I handle it and resisting the victim mentality.

I am proud of myself for having the awareness to see this is something I need to address. It has been quite an eye-opener. I had no idea how much of my life was effected by not accepting responsibility for what was happening to me. From small situations like getting frustrated with my kids for not being quiet when I need them to, all the way to big situations like getting depressed because I’m unhappy with my job.

In both situations, I have to accept responsibility for how I’m going to react and choose to move forward. With my children, I can choose to leave the room, join in the shenanigans or try to calmly explain why mommy needs some quiet. With my job, I can choose to focus on a different aspect or I can move on to something else. Either way, I have choices. I am not a victim. I am responsible for myself.